The Tard Blog

1/30: Augusta gets fed up, tries to kill classmate:

January through March brings about a slew of illnesses in elementary schools. This is especially true for elementary school special ed classes. The cornucopia of airborne bacteria and viruses in my classroom during this time is almost shocking. A Level 4 biohazard suit could not fully protect you from these tard germs. The rate of contagion is similar to being in a CDC lab. 


Let truth the be told: it is near impossible for retarded kids to remember to "cover their mouths" when coughing. It is disturbing when I think about it, but I have been around it for so long that I am immune to everything. Hell, I doubt I could catch the HIV virus.

The tards cough, sneeze, and salivate on each other (and myself) constantly. None of them even realize that they are being coughed on or are coughing on others. 

Except for one student. This student is Augusta (for those new to the site, read about Augusta here)

The situation today was this: During reading group, around 9:50am, Augusta plus six other tards, were seated at my horseshoe shaped table, me testing their comprehension on the story I had JUST read them. (Sidenote: I had to re-read the story to them.) 

Four out of the seven are sick as fuck. But of course their parents don't want to stay home and deal with them, so I have to deal with their sickness. I can deal with it, I am their teacher and they are my tards and I'll take care of them. 

Augusta cannot deal with it. Even though Augusta repeatedly tells the coughing kids to cover their mouths, they do not. He probably said "cover your mouth" twelve times. He eventually has enough, and gets up and walks to the other side of the room, refusing to be near them. He says, "If they're not gonna cover their mouths, I won't sit by them." I told him he needed to come back to the table immediately. He did reluctantly, but with his shirt over his nose and mouth, like a fucking gasmask. He even talked this way.

Near the end of reading group, the tard sitting next to Augusta lays down an impressive series of foul coughs. Augusta has had it. He turns to the kid and starts strangling him--seriously strangling him. 

He was so pissed that I could see veins popping out of his neck during the strangling. As he is strangling and shaking the sick kid, he is yelling at the top of voice "QUIT COUGHING!! QUIT COUGHING!!" 

In order to stop this assault, I am forced to lean across the table and karate chop Augusta's strangling arms as hard as I could. I had to wail on him as hard as I could to prevent him from killing the kid. 

Luckily it worked, and his arms were immediately knocked down, and the choked tard ran off screaming and coughing without covering his mouth.

Augusta was issued an in-house suspension for this, spending two days in the principals office. (Personally, I requested that the principal cough a few times in Augusta's general direction.)

When Augusta was allowed to resume coming to class, he showed up with a fucking mask that dentists wear. The kind with rubberbands that attach to your ears and cover your mouth and nose. He kept it on all day. Except, of course, during feeding time, when he made a pig out of himself.











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