The Tard Blog

1/8: An average day in Riti's life:

From Tucker Max: I asked Riti to keep a running journal of just one day in her life. This is it:

 

- Emmy got so excited when I was looking at a book with her that she kicked me in the knee really hard, huge bruise already.

 

- I was so angry that for nap time I put on Wheelz of Steel by Outkast instead of the usual "Betterman" by Pearl Jam. The tards were whining and crying. I was laughing. 

 

- Zach peed his pants. Second time this week.

 

- I got pulled over for speeding in a school zone. I had to pull into the school parking lot to deal with the cop. He left his lights flashing, and everyone was staring. The short busses pull in, my kids wave at me, see the police lights, and think I am getting in big trouble. One tard refuses to get off the bus. Apparently he has learned from incidents with his parents that flashing lights mean daddy is going away for awhile.

 

- Kids learned a new song in music. I go to pick them up. The music teacher tells them to sing me the song. They all had forgotten it. 

 

- Ivan brought food coloring from home, and then eats it. 

 

- I tell Zach to stop picking his nose. He tells me his mom says it is OK to pick your nose, just not OK to eat the boogies.

 

- I am reading "Red Racer" to the kids. It is about a girl who tries to ruin her bike so her parents will buy her a new one. One page describes the sound as her bike goes over a cliff like this "bong, bong, bong." Ivan raised his hand and said his dad has a bong

 

- Got a new kid today. He can't sit still for the life of him. I told him to put his coat in the coat closet and he started to bitch right off the bat. "Work is too hard, I hate working." Hopefully he will pee in his pants or masturbate or something good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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