The Tard Blog

12/17: Tard nearly ruins date

This is where I draw the fucking line. What happened to me last night was not part of the contract I signed.


I am at the grocery store with a guy I go out with sometimes. He had been studying abroad for the last year, so I was really excited to see him. We are getting beer to take to a Christmas party that we are going to, the location of which happened to be in the area of the school that I work in. 


We are walking to the beer aisle, and I spot one of my tards pushing a grocery cart. He is with his mom and brother. All I want is for me to get the beer and get the hell out. I really didn't want to talk to them or subject my date to them. We make it to the beer aisle, pick up some Heinekens, and head for the checkout. 


We are standing in line to pay when I hear a scream and a familiar voice yell "I love you Miss [Sped]!". 


I think about turning around, but am suddenly rammed hard from behind with the shopping cart. I had to grab the conveyor belt thing to keep from barreling over. The tard then starts hugging me tightly, while screaming "I love you Miss [Sped]!" This continues for at least a full minute.


My date is dying--he is laughing so fucking hard that he is doubled over. People are staring at me and the tard that is embracing me and yelling. The checker has stopped checking and his full attention is focused on the tard and I. I cannot stop wondering where the fuck his mom is. 


I know the solution to get him to calm down. But I am out with this amazing guy. I don't wanna do it. I really don't. But I realize the tard will not shut up and get off of me until I do...


Quietly, I start singing "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round......."


My date is absolutely dying. Almost crying. But the tard shut the fuck up, and we got out of there, no retards attached to me.





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