On the last day of
school prior to Christmas Break I gave all my tards a Happy Holidays card in an
envelope with their name on the front. I also taped a candy cane to the front of
each of the cards as well. I put the card in their "cubby" prior to
the start of school. Their cubby is the last thing they check each day before
school is out. They all had lots of stuff to take home, so their cubbies were
At the end of the
day, as they were packing up and clearing out their cubbies, they all found
their cards, yet none had the candy cane taped to them anymore. It was obvious
that something had been taped on the front, because there was tape remaining on
the card with part of the ripped card attached to it. But there was not one
fucking candy cane to be seen. One of the tards had stolen all of the candy
immediately whining and stomping around the classroom. This is the last thing I
need. It had been a long day, the bell was about to ring, and I did not have
anymore candy canes. I start looking through cubbies, backpacks, etc, yet could
find the candycanes nowhere. At this point I actually considered giving them
each a buck. The only reason I didn't do this was because I didn't have the
right change. And NO tard is worthy of a twenty.
My classroom has
reached the chaotic stage, and only minutes before Christmas Break. I consider
handing out stickers. Just then, dear Augusta (from Archive
#3, Meet Augusta--but don't touch him) comes back from the bathroom. He looks guilty as
fuck, he had already unloaded his cubby, had his backpack on, and had a slight
red discoloration all around his glossy lips. Hmmm.
I told him that we
were missing a bunch of candy canes, and asked him if he had received a card
from me, and if there was a candy cane attached to it. He gave me a dumbfounded
look. I asked again, and he told me he didn't remember. I then asked him to
unload his backpack. He furiosuly licked his lips and said that he left his library book in the
library and that he needed to go get it right then. At this response, I knew
that fat ass had lifted the canes.
I told him that I
needed him to unload his backpack so I could make sure his card from me was in
it. He refused. So I turned him around by the shoulders, which really
freaks him out, unzip his backpack and find about 10 rainbow candy canes. The
same ones I gave out.
Augusta had lied
and stolen from his classmates. I was floored. I told him that immediately
following the break he would lose a week of recess. He didn't like hearing
that. In fact, he freaked. I also made him pass out candy canes and apologize
to each and every retard. This went over even less well.
Just so I would
not forget what the fucker had done, I wrote, in huge letters on my wipeboard-
"NO RECESS AUGUSTA, ONE WEEK."
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