The Tard Blog

#12: Tyler and Tyrell visit their father in jail:

Tyler and Tyrells Dad has earned visiting privileges. I arrange to take them to the jail and supervise them in their visit. I called the jail to inquire as to the specifics of visiting hours. She was a hag and instead of just answering my questions, she took down my information and sent me an envelope full of shit.


Said shit includes hours, directions, how to prepare for possibly harmful situations, and TWO copies of the jail rules (some of the best ones below, note that rule number one is why the Dad's girlfriend did not come for the visit.)


1. You must not be under any influence of drugs or alcohol. 

2. No visitor or inmate shall sit or lay on the table tops, floors or other pieces of furniture not designed for sitting.

3. Visitors will not wear: blue chambray shirts similar to those issued to inmates; white uniforms similar to inmate uniforms; red ball caps and red stocking caps; see-through type outer clothing.

4. Inmates may have a brief embrace and kiss at the beginning and end of each contact visit. You may hold hands above the tables only.

 5. Visitors shall not bring anything into the visiting area with the following exceptions:

    1. Two (2) jars of baby food;
    2. One (1) plastic spoon;
    3. Two (2) baby bottles (plastic only);
    4. Five (5) diapers;
    5. One (1) dispenser of wet wipes;
    6. A small coin purse with no more than ten dollars ($10) in change;
    7. Prepared food for minimum custody permanent party inmates only.

I never actually went into see the Dad with the boys. Only two visitors are allowed in at a time, and since I really had no desire to see him, I thought it would be best if the boys spent the thirty minute period visiting with him

Instead I waited in the waiting area, just myself amongst a school of thugs. I dialed the entire phone book on my cell in an attempt to mask my fear of all the vagrants. I just kept to myself and tried not to make eye-contact, as I once saw on the Discovery Channel that this is one way to provoke wild animals.

At seventeen minutes into the thirty minute visiting slot, the gates slam open and out walk Tyler and Tyrell. THEY HAD BEEN KICKED OUT FOR VIOLENT BEHAVIOR. 

Apparently they started kicking the shit out of each other over some story they were telling their Dad. They couldn't agree on a few details, curse words were exchanged, fists began to fly, and the guards removed them.







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