#8: Tard likes fire
When you teach tards, you get used to hearing certain noises. Moaning, yelping,
or someone's leg repeatedly hitting the desk. Usually I don't stop teaching to
tell the tard to be quiet, if I did that my lessons would never end. Instead I
tend to continue talking loud enough for everyone else to hear. I've learned to
recognize unusual sounds above the normal din of tard mayhem.
While going over our new picture problem book with the class I started to hear
an unusual "flicking" sound. I glanced around the desk area to see if anyone
looks particularly suspicious. The flicking stops. As soon as I look at the book
and start reading again, the flicking continues.
This is the kind of shit
that you tend to recognize as trouble, so I stop the class and I ask who is
making the noise. No one admits anything so I continue reading. Just then out of
the corner of my eye I see an orange flash.
I quickly look over and I see Angelo stuffing a flaming piece of paper into his
desk. I race over and tell him to get away from his desk. Angelo responds "Why?"
By this point there is smoke
coming out of the inside of the desk, and Angelo is sitting there asking me why
he should fucking leave. I grab him by the collar and pull him away from the
desk. I then kick over the desk, knocking the flaming papers out of it and stamp
Luckily nothing else caught fire. I ask Angelo how he set the paper on fire, his
response, "It just happened."
"Accidents like this don't
just happen" I respond, and he says "Must be bad paper".
It was hard for me not to
laugh at this point. Angelo honestly expects me
to buy the spontaneously combusting yellow school paper theory.
I have him empty
his pockets and I find a lighter. After further investigation I find out that he
found it on the playground. This might be true, or he might have brought it from
home. Either way he won three days of out of school suspension, and the honor of
having me inspect his book bag and pockets when he arrives in the morning and
when he comes back from recess. Someone really needs to invent a
metal-detector-like device that can scan tards for dangerous shit.
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